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television meme: GREEKS BEARING GIFTS

Jul. 4th, 2010 | 01:41 am
mood: sleepy

 Day 03 - Your favourite new show (aired this TV season)

I thought about being a wacky jokester and putting in a picture of Glee, but let's be honest, that's less a joke and more a war crime. Community had the misfortune of airing the same season as two other shows with much stronger media narratives: Modern Family ("OMG you guys the traditional family sitcom isn't dead after all!") and Glee ("OMG you guys...singing!"). I enjoy Modern Family and I watch Glee for Jane Lynch and the trainwreck appeal, but Community is smarter, funnier, and manages meta-humor better than almost any other show I've watched. Every character is fully fleshed out (take notes, GLEE) and even the so-called "weak" episodes are well-crafted and funny. And the strong episodes are, like, Arrested Development-funny.



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television meme: CYBERWOMAN

Jul. 3rd, 2010 | 12:53 am
mood: okay

 Day 02 - A show that you wish more people were watching

There are only two things wrong with Community: John Oliver isn't a full-time cast member, and not enough people watch it. Let's kill two birds with one stone, America! Let's get the ratings so high that John Oliver is FORCED to leave the trivial Daily Show and join the comedy juggernaut!

I really think if NBC mailed a screener copy of "Modern Warfare" to every American household, the ratings problem would be solved. But if they can't do that, hopefully the show will get nominated for some Emmys, and then win some Emmys, and then Eric Stonestreet and Lea Michele will get caught running a dogfighting ring and the networks will cancel Modern Family and Glee out of shame, and then Big Bang Theory will move to Fridays to capitalize on the lonely ex-Numb3rs audience, and EVERYTHING  WILL BE WONDERFUL.


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television meme: DAY ONE

Jul. 2nd, 2010 | 01:29 am
mood: cranky

Day 01 - A show that should never have been canceled


Do you know how many graphic designers the CW had to employ to paste Taylor Handley's head onto other men's bodies for promo pictures? A lot. How are those guys supposed to feed their kids if the CW cancels all the shows where people go to country clubs and lounge around in bathing suits and also there's a sociopath who kicks puppies?

Okay I can come up with a better answer to this one, I'll try again.
Day 01 - A show that REALLY should never have been canceled 

I think this was the first time I really felt the sting of an unjust cancellation. First of all, Andy Richter had to stop being adorable and hilarious as Conan's sidekick so he could star in this. Second, the show turned out to be funny, clever, a little edgy, and blessed with excellent cast chemistry, putting it way ahead of most other sitcoms. Third, FOX supported it in the traditional way: moved it to six different time slots over the course of a year and a half and said "I DON'T GET IT WHY ARE YOUR RATINGS ARE SO POOR!!!!!" 

There have been plenty of shows I wish hadn't been canceled, like Arrested Development and Pushing Daises, but at least those shows had decent, multi-season runs with a certain degree of closure at the end. ARCTU had two stunted mini-seasons and was chopped down in the prime of life, so I consider it the graver injustice. </firstworldproblems>

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everyone loves television, memes, months

Jul. 1st, 2010 | 11:55 pm
mood: pleased

My dear sister dementedriku spent the past month posting her answers to an elaborate television meme, so this month my other dear sister lulzybunny13 and I are going to answer it as well. Let's see how many times I manage to criticize Josh Schwartz for ruining The O.C. and generally sucking! (There's one.)

Here are the topics:

Day 01 - A show that should never have been cancelled
Day 02 - A show that you wish more people were watching
Day 03 - Your favourite new show (aired this TV season)
Day 04 - Your favourite show ever
Day 05 - A show you hate
Day 06 - Favourite episode of your favourite TV show
Day 07 - Least favourite episode of your favourite TV show
Day 08 - A show everyone should watch
Day 09 - Best scene ever
Day 10 - A show you thought you wouldn't like but ended up loving
Day 11 - A show that disappointed you
Day 12 - An episode you've watched more than 5 times
Day 13 - Favourite childhood show
Day 14 - Favourite male character
Day 15 - Favourite female character
Day 16 - Your guilty pleasure show
Day 17 - Favourite mini series
Day 18 - Favourite title sequence
Day 19 - Best t.v show cast
Day 20 - Favourite kiss
Day 21 - Favourite ship
Day 22 - Favourite series finale
Day 23 - Most annoying character
Day 24 - Best quote
Day 25 - A show you plan on watching (old or new)
Day 26 - OMG WTF? Season finale
Day 27 - Best pilot episode
Day 28 - First t.v show obsession
Day 29 - Current t.v show obsession
Day 30 - Saddest character death

The first thing that comes to mind reading this list: I have a mere 23 days to try to think of a character more annoying than Dana Walsh.


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conversations with smeyer

Sep. 2nd, 2008 | 07:39 am

Stephenie Meyer has posted a FAQ for Breaking Dawn, intended to answer all those nagging questions we had a month ago when the book was still relevant. Now that everyone's moved on to wringing maximum lulz out of Midnight Sun, it kind of seems like too little too late, but still. Lulz are lulz.

Q: What does the cover mean?
A: Breaking Dawn's cover is a metaphor for Bella's progression throughout the entire saga.

This is incorrect. The cover, to paraphrase a clever poster on ONTD, is clearly meant to show us that the red man is just a pawn in the white man's game.

Q: Why the big build-up for a fight that didn't happen?
A: If the fight had happened, it would have ended with 90% of the combatants, Cullen and Volturi alike, destroyed. There was simply no other outcome once the fight got started, given the abilities and numbers of the opposing sides...I knew that the real battle would be mental. It was a game of maneuvering, with the champion winning not by destroying the other side, but by being able to walk away.

This makes sense. The way things were set up, a fight at the end would've been devastating and bloody, which isn't what the author wanted. However, I doubt the author wanted the end to be tedious and anticlimactic, which is what ended up happening, so...

(Really, it shouldn't have been surprising: the ~*Sparkle Mafia*~ has been pretty toothless and anticlimactic all along. Every time they show up, they strut and preen and show off their cruelty, only to leave with a breezy "Okay you guys, good seeing you, take it easy.")

But really the point is that diplomacy and shrewd negotiation are boring (George Lucas take note). Maybe it's interesting in a courtroom setting, against the backdrop of real, fragile human lives, but instead we have a big fuck-off crowd of magical vampires galloping into a wooded glen, ready for an epic punch-dancing session. The lengthy and enormous build-up to this scene requires an enormous payoff for the reader to feel their time was well-spent. The Volturi saying "oh shit, you're totally not going to be as easy to control as we thought, take it easy you guys" and then leaving is not a payoff. It kills what I feel is the entire narrative momentum of the Volturi: they're ultra-powerful douchebags who are introduced (and reintroduced) as an unresolved threat throughout the series. The reader expects that lingering threat to be resolved at some dramatically appropriate time (the end of the final book in the series, perhaps?), but instead the threat is left unresolved. The Volturi just head back to Italy until the next time they get a bug up their ass about something.

Frankly, at the very end of the very last book of the series, it seems like something grand and definitive should've happened. Instead, it felt episodic and stunted.

Q: Why the name Renesmee?
A: Well, I couldn't call her Jennifer or Ashley.

I like the implication here that you can either name your child something common and trendy, or you can randomly string phonemes together until something vaguely pronounceable emerges.

A: What do you name the most unique baby in the world?


Q: Who is Embry's father?
A: I don't know who Embry's father is. I'm aware that this lack of knowledge is annoying to some people....When I write a story, I start out with infinite possibilities. As I describe any character or plot point, I make those characteristics finite. For example, once I decide Bella is a brunette, all of her blonde and redhead possibilities disappear...Until I need to know a certain fact about the character, all the possibilities stay open out there in that universe of possibilities. If I set something in concrete prematurely, it could be a stumbling block later, so I try to keep an open mind about details until they become necessary to the story. If I explore a character too early, that can lock me into a situation that might be difficult to work with later.

Sure. Except:

1) Breaking Dawn was the fourth and final Twilight book, right? "Later" is now.

2) This little tidbit was non-essential to the plot in the first place. Why bother introducing it if you never had any intention of following up on it? It's like that old saw about the gun on the mantle: if you write that there's a gun on the mantle in Act One, you better have a long, complex series of negotiations designed to prevent someone from firing that gun in Act Three.

Q: Is Bella an anti-feminist heroine?
A: When I hear or read theories about Bella being an anti-feminist character, those theories are usually predicated on her choices...In my own opinion (key word), the foundation of feminism is this: being able to choose.

peri_peteia answers this statement perfectly here. One of Bella's most annoying qualities is that she puts up with controlling, domineering, agency-depriving behavior from the men in her life because she loves them and thinks they mean well. When she does attempt to act on her own -- like when she cuts herself during the battle in Eclipse, thinking it's the only way she can contribute to the cause -- she ends up getting laughed at and informed her contribution was cute but unneeded. And don't get me started on how twisted the Edward/Bella kissing dynamic is in Twilight. Since he's always a second away from tearing open her jugular, she must remain perfectly still while he kisses her; on the occasions when she forgets herself and gets too into it, Edward is censorious and appalled. Does she want to get herself killed? Remain still! Sublimate your desire!

And finally, a bonus statement: [Bella]'s a strong person who goes after what she wants with persistence and determination.



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(no subject)

Aug. 25th, 2008 | 11:16 pm

So it's the Joker...and Nurse Joker...as Sims...dancing to Phil Collins's Sussudio.

This might be the pinnacle of human culture. Granted, it might also be a sign of the apocalypse.

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george lucas hates you personally

Aug. 16th, 2008 | 05:47 am

Some reasons why you should not see Star Wars: The Clone Wars, and indeed why we should probably gather up all extant copies of the film and light them on fire (SPOILERS):

1. A pre-teen girl in an inappropriate tube-top randomly shows up IN THE MIDDLE OF A WARTIME SKIRMISH to be Anakin Skywalker's padawan. Instead of saying "I didn't order a padawan, and by the way maybe don't ship kids around in the middle of the freaking Clone War," Anakin grumbles for a few minutes and then spends the rest of the movie affectionately calling the girl "Snips."

2. The padawan, Mary Sue Ashoka, is a lot like those special snowflakes you see at Hogwarts in self-insert fanfics: she's adorable, tenacious, "witty," brilliant, and also stupidly reckless in that endearing way that means no one ever gets hurt. She repeatedly refers to Anakin as "Skyguy" and R2-D2 as "R-Twooiee," but for some reason Anakin never slaps her so hard that her skull inverts, which is the correct response in this situation.

3. In fact, Anakin Skywalker, the eventual Darth Vader, the bad-ass motherfucker who killed a whole bunch of women and children just because they lived in the vicinity of his dead mother, spends the whole movie baby-sitting both his padawan and Jabba the Hutt's kidnapped son, a tiny adorable slimeball that Anakin will occasionally tote around in a baby sling like he's some suburban soccer mom.

4. Just when the main plot is starting to wind down and you think you may get to leave soon, Jabba's drag-queen uncle Ziro the Hutt shows up for a pointless subplot. For some reason Ziro speaks regular English with a girlish drawl, and between the simpering voice and his womanly posturing you just want to tear out your eyes and shove them in your ears.

5. The overall objective of the Jedi is to win Jabba's favor so he'll allow them to use some of his intergalatic shipping routes for the war effort. HOLY SHIT Y'ALL, WHAT IF THEY DON'T GAIN ACCESS TO THOSE SHIPPING ROUTES? THIS IS SURELY INTERESTING ENOUGH TO MOTIVATE A FEATURE FILM!

There are other reasons this movie is terrible but why belabor the point. Just go see The Dark Knight again.

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